You know how they say you should never do business with family or friends? Well children should be added to that list! As a real estate agent I have what is called a "farm". This means I have a selected neighborhood that I market to. I pass out flyers with market information sprinkled with flyers that have pertinent community information (i.e. community events, resources, etc.) In order to get my flyers out I have to walk my farm and hand deliver each flyer to each doorstep. Primarily because I'm on a budget, most importantly because I want to have a presence in the neighborhood and have a chance to talk with the people who live there. Basically, I am trying to establish myself as someone you would want to do business with!
STAY WITH ME! I SWEAR THIS GETS MORE ENTERTAINING!
Now keep in mind it's summer! It's hotter than blazes and walking my farm is currently the most unappealing part of my job! However, I believe in consistency and know I need to power through. BUT!!!! What if I have a helper? Or two helpers? Cheap labor? Hmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!! The BOYS! My boys! My 10 and 11 year old! Offer up $5 and a smoothie and I've got 'em! It IS summer and really....what else are they going to do?
So I try to make it sound like it's going to be SOOOOO fun! I put on my most excited expression. The one I get when I have a little treat for them when they weren't expecting it.
"Hey guys! Wanna earn some money?"
I have approached them lazing on the couch. This is a very deceptive state of relaxation. It's like approaching a sleeping lion. They look cute and cuddly and harmless until you threaten that state of calm and they attack! I know I must continue cautiously....
"Boys? You want to earn some money WHILE riding your bikes?"
The boys respond like that lion who can't believe you've just interrupted his midday slumber. Slowly they peal their eyes away from the TV to acknowledge me. When they turn to look at me I am smiling with my eyebrows raised. Its too desperate and obvious and they are going to toy with me. It's cat and mouse time!
"UUuuummmmm.......ok" The enthusiasm from my 11 year old leaves much to be desired.
He continues to look at me. This is the equivalent act of the cat sniffing out the mouses fear! "What do we have to do?"
"Well you can help me deliver flyers to my farm and earn $5 each!"
I don't even mention the smoothie. If $5 is enough to get them off the couch I don't want to commit to any more than that! The whole purpose of walking the farm is to SAVE money! Not spend it!
They perk up. Their ears (if they were that cat I keep referring to) are now pointed straight up and I have their full attention! Just as I think I've got 'em my body language betrays me! My shoulders relax and my face holds less tension. They attack!!!
"$10!" yells the oldest
"and a soda!" chimes in my 10 year old
The negotiations have begun....
"$5 and a smoothie! If that's not good enough you still have do it but you'll get NOTHING for it!"
For you see, I am NOT a mouse! Those cats thought they heard some rustling around in the bushes only to discover a rattlesnake!
Needless to say, they have since been fired. Oh, sure the first few times were glorious! They were so good and helpful! Racing from house to house asking homeowners doing yard work if they'd like a 4th of July event flyer. I'd stand back and watch with pride exchanging that knowing look with said homeowner. "Aren't they cute?" is what we both seemed to be thinking. I would often get that "You've got some good helpers here!" comment that sent me into motherly bliss!
Then reality settled in!
"I'M HOT!"
"I'M THIRSTY!"
"I'M TIRED!"
"THIS SUCKS! CAN WE GO HOME AND YOU FINISH?'
"I know it's hot, I know you're thirsty and yes, it SUCKS! But your going to help me finish this up or your not getting a dime!!!! Now get your little butts off the sidewalk and out of the shade and get MOVING!" Psycho mom was now in charge!
However, the straw that broke the camels back was when, as we were out sweating our butts off delivering yet more flyers, my boys started fighting over which house they were going to do. Calling each other moron and idiot! The topper? My 10 year old, my baby, riding his bike out into the street only to realize a car was coming (from a safe distance) causing him enough fear to yell "Oh SHIT!"
Gone! Gone are the glory days of looking on at my offspring working hard for a buck! I stood there in horror! Forget the car! It wasn't even close to him nor did it ever get close to him having turned before getting near him. But I now realized that maybe the ones you love the most and who know you best might NOT be the best representatives for you.
The boys don't work for me anymore and I'm perfectly fine walking my farm alone for a couple quiet hours.
