Pet Peeve

I have, what one (my husband) might call, an obsession with our cat Max. Oh sure, we have other pets. We have a crazy cat named Sunny and a psycho dog named Lily. Sunny has been so afraid of our family since we got her that she has shit herself out of fear! Once we had to take her to the animal ER because her labored breathing woke us up in the middle night. Turns out she has "kitty asthma." Like it's something cute! This little incident happened the night before we were supposed to be on a plane. We had a friend who was going to be taking care of the cats but we ended up having to board Sunny due to the meds she was to be fed twice a day. See, if we (her family) can't even pet her, it's highly unlikely that she's going to allow a stranger to administer medication! Anyway, I'm getting off track here. MAX!!! Max was our first cat as a family. We adopted him from the animal shelter. He was just a kitten and he had a scar on his head by his ear and a crooked jaw. The boys and I fell in love with him immediately. Once we adopted him we had to wait 2 weeks before we could bring him home. The shelter had to get him all prepped for us. Neutering, shots, etc. When we finally got him home he had a little cold and, I swear, we wiped that freakin cats' nose every time it ran! We snuggled him and coddled him and he has no idea that we aren't fellow cats or that he's not a fellow human. He's just part of the family. HOWEVER! Max has some quirks! For example, I switched to a cheaper litter one time. At first I thought I wasn't drying my laundry very well because I kept finding that it was damp when I would go to fold it. But when the couch was damp and it had that all-too-familiar stench of pneumonia I knew it was Max being finicky! I haven't changed litter since nor do I dare skip a day cleaning out the litter box! That's misdemeanor is worthy of a dump in the middle of the floor! Due to Maxes persnickety behaviour, my husbands feelings toward him........ have coooooled. He can't stand that William and I love him so much we could eat. him. up! He smells like maple syrup I tell you! Maple Syrup!!!! He is so fat and fluffy and cute and delicious!!! So the other night we had guests. We always shut our bedroom door when we have guests: A)because our room is always a fucken mess and we don't want anyone to see it, and B)because we don't want any kids going in there to play hide-n-seek or whatever! On this particular evening the cats happened to be locked in there. Sunny was happy as a clam. She's scared stiff of her family; guests only make her "asthmatic!" So after a lovely evening, Chris and I head up to bed. We change into our PJs and while Chris is in the bathroom peeing I start to get into bed. I sit down on my side and find, right by my pillow, a big heap of shit! MAX! I know it's Max, I know that cat like I know my own kids! And, like with my own kids, my first reaction is to protect. Trust me, he pee'd on our bed one time and I witnessed my husband throwing a mattress across the room at a cat. Something I hope I never see again! So, I casually got some TP, scooped up the poop, flushed it in another toilet, and (this is where it gets a little weird) contemplated whether or not I could now sleep on my side of the bed! As I am surveying the damage to sheets, Chris comes out of the bathroom. Just as he's getting into bed I hear "goddammit! Sunny puked on the bed!" I look over to see a big lump of puke on Chris' side of the bed! Sunny is our puker so there is no doubt about her guilt. It's at this moment of discovery that I've decided I can't sleep on poopy sheets and I'm angry with Max. I fess up to his bad behaviour and we are able to strip the bed with not much more than some cursing. The next day I went right back to worshipping Max (he's a goddamn angel, i tell ya) but Chris gave him stink eye for at least a week! We did come up with a funny scenario to describe how it all went down. The cats are trapped in our room. Max is pacing, telling Sunny in meows how bad he has to take a dump! She is now fretting and getting very nervous! She knows very well what Max is capable of and that he could get them both in some very hot water with the humans! "Don't do it Max!" she meows desperately. "I'm prairie doggin'" howls Max. And in true cat manner he jumps up on his owner's bed to he can show them exactly how unfair they've been. He squats, Sunny's sick with worry, and he lays a deuce! Sunny's stomach succumbs to her nerves and she hurls! Of course, she didn't get in trouble. We knew it was all Maxes fault. And the next day he resumed his King-of-the-castle demeanor while she hid under the bed for a week!

Adoption: Words don't fail me now!

Twenty one years ago my husband made a painful choice. He and his girlfriend placed (i don't know the correct or respectful term here! i've been online all morning trying to figure out the best way to word this) their daughter up for adoption. It was a terrible heartache for Chris and continues to be. HOWEVER, she, Heather (doesn't she have a beautiful name?) has been raised by such an amazing, generous, and loving family that we can't help but feel thankful. We have the good fortune to spend time with her every summer. It doesn't hurt that we live in California. If we lived in Minnesota it might be different (she knows i'm teasing...) She comes out and stays with us for about a week and we have a great time. Now here's the dilemma, I have no idea what to call her!!! Chris and I are under no delusion that she's our daughter. Obviously, I had nothing to do with her birth but we understand that we also had nothing to do with her being raised and we firmly feel that her parents (adoptive parents, chosen parents, or whatever the PC terminology is) ARE her parents. We would never want to take away from that or diminish it in any way! However, our boys think of her as their sister. Do you see my issue?! My husband is the birthfather, I'm the woman he's married to, and our children are her birthsiblings (?). We all love her with our whole hearts and miss her when she's gone back home. But what is she to all of us as a family unit? Without offending her or her parents or her sisters, what can we refer to her as?