As much as I gripe about the day in and day out of motherhood, my
kids often catch me off guard and impress the hell out of me with their
imagination and inventiveness. Just one of these instances can erase a
month full of agitation and grief!
One such example is Dr. Shivious. Dr. Shivious is a character
the boys created. He's a bumbling psychiatrist who really knows nothing
about his chosen profession. He cracks jokes and makes fun of his
patients (obviously he's played by Nick!). When it's time to get
serious, Dr. Shivious will ask his patient (William) what the problem is
and William will confess, "Well, Dr. Shivious, I've just been really
down lately. I think I'm depressed." Dr. Shivious, rather than get to
the heart of the matter, will exclaim with great self satisfaction, "Yes
you are!" and that will be the end of the session. This is all being
recorded by the Flip camera they have set up on some nearby table. For
why would one create such amusement unless it could be shared with all
on Youtube?!
Most recently, Dr. Shivious sat down with Zach Bagans from Ghost Adventurers. He confirmed that Zach is in fact a tool!
So last night William heard an advertisement on TV for The View.
He decided a show called The Spectacle might make for a funny parody.
(maybe they're watching too much SNL....) Anyway, he wrote his news report, they set up the Flip, and they proceeded to film The Spectacle.
"Hello there and welcome tooooooooo The Spectacle! I'm William and THIS is our top story of the night!
-A young kitten is accused of physically abusing a butterfly on
someones front lawn. Witnesses say the kitten was defending himself,
therefore no charges will be pressed.
In other news tonight:
-A man in Wisconsin gets his finger stuck in a coin slot while digging for change"
I think Nick just sits there looking cute and laughing at William
because, truth be told, Nick is rarely able to stay up late enough for
SNL so he has no material.
So there it is! All the griping rights that motherhood affords me is offset by the occasional bragging rights it affords me!
Friday, January 27, 2012
Friday, January 20, 2012
Friday, January 6, 2012
All in the first week back to school
Well, the holiday break is over and as much as I truly love having my
kids home, it was time for them to go back to school. I needed to get
out of that lazy day fog and kick my butt in gear for the new year. But
this little blog isn't about me (not directly anyway). It's about the
cruelty of homework after a long winters nap!
I have two boys in elementary school. A 5th grader and a 6th grader. Today we are going to be studying the 5th grader and his homework habits. A real in depth view of what goes on behind the closed doors of my home after the school bell rings dismissal!
It usually starts in the car. But that's just because I want to prepare the kids for what they already know but seem to forget EVERY day! After the pleasantries of seeing each other again after their 6 hour tour, I gently and happily (remember that plastic smile I always hold) remind them,
"Homework and chores first! Then the rest of the day is yours!"
I get the obligatory groans in response and we toot along all they way up the street to our house. During this 3 minute trip home my boys are energetic, talkative, full of verve!
It's funny tho. The trip from the car to the front door usually causes my 5th grader great discomfort. He's been known to come down with a gut wrenching stomach ache, pounding headache, or some other distracting malady that requires him to lay on the couch doing absolutely NOTHING!
My kids honestly believe I don't know them!
Of course I don't fall for it (another surprise to my children) and order him up and to the table to lay out and organize the homework! This can take an hour. I'm not kidding. From the couch to the table are a variety of furry, bouncy, shiny distractions. A cat, a football, and piece of plastic. All requiring the attention of the child who just a minute ago was wracked with pain!
In the meantime, I've started making snacks and my 6th grader has his homework laid out. Although he doesn't exactly dive in, he's at least further along in the process. Thank god! I know he'll get it done with little help from me which leaves me plenty of time to focus on the challenge at hand. The 5th grader!
After he's spent a good 20min torturing the cat (he still thinks Max batting at him is Max being playful), 5min throwing the football in the house (which he's told AGAIN not to do), and 15 more min making a shank out of that piece of plastic, he finally finds his way to the table. It takes another 10min to find and pull all his homework out. About 7min to clean up everything that fell out of his backpack (erasers, library books, an old lunch, a beanie,.....a bb gun?) before he sits down at the table. At this point he usually lays his head down on his arm and reclaims his pain from earlier. If it's his stomach I tell him his snack is almost ready to just get started.
My smile has been wiped clean. I've been sweetly coaxing him to the table for 57 min now and I'm exhausted. My 6th grader is triumphantly claiming he has just one more thing to do before he's finished for the day and really wants his brother to go toss the football with him. I glare at my oldest because he knows as well as I do that his brother hasn't even started yet and the thought of tossing the football is going to cause a great deal of anxiety to now get his homework done fast!
Fast = Mistakes
And so it goes....
Hours of whining, stomach aches, snacks to help the stomach ache, bathroom trips, water breaks, "I need something from upstairs" breaks, "I'm just so tired" complaints, back pains, "can you cut this fingernail? It's bugging me" breaks, and furry, bouncy, shiny distractions!
I've yelled and given myself time outs. I've given into the idea of letting him fail and talked myself out of it a million times. I've questioned my decisions and choices for this child. Worried about his future and my present! All in the matter of an afternoon! All in the first week back to school!
I have two boys in elementary school. A 5th grader and a 6th grader. Today we are going to be studying the 5th grader and his homework habits. A real in depth view of what goes on behind the closed doors of my home after the school bell rings dismissal!
It usually starts in the car. But that's just because I want to prepare the kids for what they already know but seem to forget EVERY day! After the pleasantries of seeing each other again after their 6 hour tour, I gently and happily (remember that plastic smile I always hold) remind them,
"Homework and chores first! Then the rest of the day is yours!"
I get the obligatory groans in response and we toot along all they way up the street to our house. During this 3 minute trip home my boys are energetic, talkative, full of verve!
It's funny tho. The trip from the car to the front door usually causes my 5th grader great discomfort. He's been known to come down with a gut wrenching stomach ache, pounding headache, or some other distracting malady that requires him to lay on the couch doing absolutely NOTHING!
My kids honestly believe I don't know them!
Of course I don't fall for it (another surprise to my children) and order him up and to the table to lay out and organize the homework! This can take an hour. I'm not kidding. From the couch to the table are a variety of furry, bouncy, shiny distractions. A cat, a football, and piece of plastic. All requiring the attention of the child who just a minute ago was wracked with pain!
In the meantime, I've started making snacks and my 6th grader has his homework laid out. Although he doesn't exactly dive in, he's at least further along in the process. Thank god! I know he'll get it done with little help from me which leaves me plenty of time to focus on the challenge at hand. The 5th grader!
After he's spent a good 20min torturing the cat (he still thinks Max batting at him is Max being playful), 5min throwing the football in the house (which he's told AGAIN not to do), and 15 more min making a shank out of that piece of plastic, he finally finds his way to the table. It takes another 10min to find and pull all his homework out. About 7min to clean up everything that fell out of his backpack (erasers, library books, an old lunch, a beanie,.....a bb gun?) before he sits down at the table. At this point he usually lays his head down on his arm and reclaims his pain from earlier. If it's his stomach I tell him his snack is almost ready to just get started.
My smile has been wiped clean. I've been sweetly coaxing him to the table for 57 min now and I'm exhausted. My 6th grader is triumphantly claiming he has just one more thing to do before he's finished for the day and really wants his brother to go toss the football with him. I glare at my oldest because he knows as well as I do that his brother hasn't even started yet and the thought of tossing the football is going to cause a great deal of anxiety to now get his homework done fast!
Fast = Mistakes
And so it goes....
Hours of whining, stomach aches, snacks to help the stomach ache, bathroom trips, water breaks, "I need something from upstairs" breaks, "I'm just so tired" complaints, back pains, "can you cut this fingernail? It's bugging me" breaks, and furry, bouncy, shiny distractions!
I've yelled and given myself time outs. I've given into the idea of letting him fail and talked myself out of it a million times. I've questioned my decisions and choices for this child. Worried about his future and my present! All in the matter of an afternoon! All in the first week back to school!
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